It was a very quiet fourth of July this year...in fact, it didn't really feel like a holiday at all. On the actual day, we had a rib dinner, at Angelina's request. That's about the extent of our holiday. No fireworks, no friends, no celebration. We just had a "normal" day, where we pretty well did our own thing. Pretty depressing, and memories of last year came back for me. We had two adorable little girls last year in addition to my beautiful daughter. We celebrated in Santa Barbara at my cousin's house. It was an amazing time. At that time, they hadn't actually moved in with us...we were in the getting acquainted stage. For those of you who don't know the foster care system, they "debrief" you on the children, you decide if you want to move forward, you meet them, then you start visits. This was one of those visits right before they moved in with us. In retrospect, I guess it was a mistake to have them move in with us because we had information that they may not get to stay with us, but we wanted it so badly, we did it anyway. I say a mistake, not because it wasn't a joy getting to know them, but because that was a blown opportunity for my daughter...an unnecessary pain that might have not put us in the situation we are in right now.,,but hindsight.....out of the five foster children we had, they were the only ones that we had with us during the fourth, so that is why I have digressed today.
Back to the now, the city of Desert Hot Springs decided to have their fireworks the day after the fourth....go figure....I went back and forth about going. Angelina and Paul did not want to go, but in my heart, it felt like it was something I needed to do. So I hopped on the golf cart and drove down the street, by myself, and watched them. As I waited, I heard families gathering, laughing, enjoying themselves...and I cried....
But now, I'm okay again. It's another day, and I'm trying to move on...one step at a time...one holiday at a time....
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